The markets were calm.
I was riding a hot streak — a few weeks of steady wins in my S&P 500 futures trades. Confidence was high, risk felt manageable.
Then came the CPI release.
I thought I had it all planned out.
But instead of smooth execution, I got chaos:
Slippage.
A stop loss that didn’t trigger.
And suddenly, a losing trade that snowballed faster than I could blink.
The Call I Ignored: “I’ll Get It Back Today”
Most traders think their biggest enemy is the market.
But mine was the voice in my head whispering, “You’ll fix this. Just bigger. Just faster.”
I doubled down. Increased size. Told myself this was a temporary setback.
The truth? I wasn’t trading. I was revenge trading.
The losses piled up. My account bled.
But worse than that — my confidence cracked.
The Mentor in My Journal
One night, scrolling through my trade journal, a simple entry jumped out:
“Process over pride.”
Four words that stopped me cold.
I realized my pride — my refusal to accept loss — was costing me more than money.
It was costing me discipline.
Shutting Down and Facing Myself
I did something hard.
I stopped trading for three days.
No charts, no screens, no “last chance” setups.
Instead, I dived into trade psychology notes, interviews, and old journal entries.
I reminded myself what good trading looked like — not winning streaks, but process consistency.
The Tests: Temptation and Painful Patience
Of course, the itch didn’t go away.
The market rallied without me.
I had moments where I almost logged in, ready to “just make one trade.”
But I held firm.
Because I knew: the real drawdown wasn’t in my account balance.
It was in my discipline.
Rebuilding My Edge
Slowly, I returned — but differently.
I used simulation trades to rebuild muscle memory and emotional control.
I reworked my journal to focus on emotional states, triggers, and objective review instead of results alone.
Day by day, trade by trade, I reclaimed my confidence.
Sharing the Raw Truth
I shared my story with my trading community — raw, unfiltered.
And you know what?
I wasn’t alone.
Every trader faces the revenge trade monster.
But knowing you’re not alone helps.
What’s Next? Preventing Tilt With a Better Journal
Next week, I’m sharing exactly how I rewired my S&P futures trading journal to spot emotional traps before they wreck my trades.
If you’ve ever felt the pull of revenge trading, or lost more to emotion than the market, this one’s for you.
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